So I've been quite absent and idle from the blog world for quite a while, but I've decided to make my return. . . with a vengeance. The title of this post is in honor of the person who held my emotions captive for a few months, and while I have tried my best to hold my head up high with dignity I need to vent. . .badly.
Here goes it. . . . .
So my dumb ass decided that I would get involved with a semi-married man. He was newly separated and decided pursuing me was his favorite hobby. It started with seeing each other through mutual obligations and then meeting each other at various establishments within the downtown area. The man wined and dined me, we went on dates, he sent me cards and flowers, he left notes on my car when I was sleeping so it would be the first thing I saw in the morning. He wrote the most romantic emails/texts/notes professing how much he "truly" cared for me and (i quote) "the life I breathe" into his dream of becoming a world famous entertainment. . .artist (no not a rapper). Also saying that after being with me he could never imagine returning to the woman he once was married to. Though I tried my hardest to distance myself from him in order to spare the emotional roller coaster I knew I would soon face, I was defeated by his kind words and the love he showed both me and my children. Soon he was staying multiple nights at my house. He began placing his friends on the back burner to spend time with me and even participated in a family day at the museum with both his children and mine while his wife was away. The icing on the cake was the wonderful weekend we spent in two luxury hotels downtown. The weekend started with his birthday celebration and ended with the most romantic valentine's day I have ever had.
I was warned by those that love me and even those that don't that I was getting involved in situation that would end one of two ways: he would go back to his wife or he would get bored with me like he did with her and leave. With either option I would end up destroyed. I kept trying to convince myself that his hold on me was not strong enough to shatter me if he decided to leave. Even if things didn't go as planned, even if they did end, surely he wouldn't go back to her right?!?!?! WRONG!
They say a woman's intuition is not something to be played with and if you have the honor of being a woman and having this great advantage always listen to it and don't take it for granted. Intuition, why the fuck was I not listening to you.? You were there, you were screaming the obvious and I ignored you. Next time feel free to knock the shit outta me when I'm not paying attention to you.
So he goes back. . . SURPRISE. Long story short. . "he misses his family", "he doesn't want to hurt me," "he still cares about me" BLAH FUCKING BLAH. He starts declaring that he's married again (mind you he "slept" over my house three days before he made "the decision") and even goes as far as posting a note for all the world to see exclaiming his undying love for his spouse and how he was blind to the fact that she was everything he wanted in a woman. The funny thing is, she doesn't want him anymore . . .can we say KARMA? Guess she told him he got HER fucked up.
Either way the bottom line is this, in the end he tried to play it both ways, having his cake (his wife) and eating it too (me, LOL). He says that he is an honest person, but hid the fact that we were seeing each other from his wife and lying to me until it was quite obvious which direction he was heading in. To this day he tries to minimize the relationship we had for her benefit, but seeing as though she is a woman I'm sure her intuition is advising her otherwise.
What I've learned is that next time a man pursues you and you find out that he is married or newly separated from either a marriage or serious relationship, tell him He Got You F*cked UP! Listen to you intuition in every situation because it will never steer you the wrong way, and most importantly don't ever let a man get in your head so deep that you begin to question your own self worth.
